Wednesday, July 15, 2009

An Explanation

My explanation starts with a movie I've referenced a long time ago on this blog "Grace Of My Heart" which is based very loosely on the life of songwriter Carole King.

The central character songwriter Denise Waverly (Illena Douglas) marries a Brian Wilson type (brilliant but troubled) songwriter/producer named Jay Phillips (Matt Dillon). He has his "issues" one of them being that he can't find his "muse". In a very haunting scene Jay walks down to the beach alone on stormy evening whistling and calling for his muse (in case you haven't seen the movie - he doesn't come back - apparently drowning in the ocean).

Now, I'm not quite over the edge like Jay - but I can relate to not being able to find my muse. I am enjoying this baseball season, maybe as much as 1986 and 1996 my two favorite Rangers seasons past. The economic downturn has affected my ability and desire to go to Frisco and OKC - but I am still faithfully poring over the box scores and reading Scott Lucas daily reports.

Yet in these exciting and happy days the thought of writing my blog brings up a sense of dread that I can't explain.

Or maybe I can.

The more I read on the Internet, the less I want to read on the Internet. How's that for a conundrum? Freedom of speech is every one's right -- but is there a point where there is just too much speech and not enough listening and contemplation? I admire those fans who can write insightful commentary and analysis of players on their blogs and website. There are many terrific voices about Ranger baseball available to read - and then there are some out there that are just noise. I fear that lately I've become part of the latter and I'm just adding to the volume. It's been a struggle to find something original and interesting to write - which confounds me, makes me angry at myself and mainly sad - because baseball is the best part of my life.

To add some levity to this missive - as Chio Escuela said "baseball has been berry, berry good to me". Because of baseball I've met some of the most precious friends I've had in this lifetime, people who I adore and hope that will be part of my life as long as I am here on earth. I've had some amazing experiences that I could never have imagined when I listened to Tiger games on my red, white and blue transistor radio as a young fan back in Toledo. I'll say it again: baseball is the best part of my life.

But right now, I simply can't find the words to put on this page. I'm hoping that a taking a short sabbatical will help me find my muse as well as some new and better ideas for the next time I write.

Heartfelt thanks to my family, friends and everyone else who reads this blog for your support - I'll be back sooner than later - I hope.

I close with this thought from that fine Irish writer Thomas Moore:

"It's important to be heroic, ambitious, productive, efficient, creative,
and progressive, but these qualities don't necessarily nurture the soul. The
soul has different concerns, of equal value: downtime for reflection,
conversation, and reverie; beauty that is captivating and pleasuring;
relatedness to the environs and to people; and any animal's rhythm of rest and

Go Rangers! -- Eleanor "Marla Hooch" Czajka